I'll Be Your Soldier
by UnderworldsQueen
Summary: Bonnie struggles. Her life as a witch is over and she must settle into her new life as a vampire. With Elena back, her best friend is preoccupied and Bonnie, delighted to have her childhood friend back, doesn't want to bother them. As she spins more and more out of control, unable to stop herself, she takes the easy way out. The humanity switch. Eventually Bamon.
1. Prologue

**Alright, so this is my attempt at a Bamon fan fiction. I hope you like it!**

 **DISCLAIMER: I do not own Vampire Diaries or any of the characters.**

 **This is short, but it's just the prologue. I am working on chapter one as you're reading this.**

 **Also, thank** **you to abby181998** **for helping me with putting together all my ideas!**

* * *

PROLOGUE

The vampire sent her flying, straight into the wall on the far side. She crumbled to the floor, groaning in pain. This was not how she expected her day to go. She'd arrived at the boarding house, looking for Damon, only to run into trouble. And, since the house was owned by vampires, there were no invisible barrier that could protect her.

"Damon Salvatore. Where is he?" The blond vampire advanced on her, his eyes red and his fangs extended. If Bonnie hadn't seen vampires before, and even more dangerous ones, she might have been scared. She wasn't.

But she was weak, and her magic wasn't much better. She raised her hand in a desperate attempt to focus her magic. The blast she sent was stronger than she thought and the vampire stumbled back. The downside was that he regained his balance quickly.

"Nice try, little witch, but you're as good as dead anyway. Might as well do something useful before you go." He was smirking down at where she lay broken on the floor. He was right, she was bleeding out. Her vision was getting blurry and she was struggling to hang on for a moment longer. Just a few more minutes. Damon would be here. He'd help her. Just keep him talking.

"Who-" Her sentence was interrupted by a cough, blood spurting out, colouring the carpet in a nice shade of red. "Who are you?" She finally managed.

The vampire laughed, amusement dancing in his eyes, but the witch was closing hers and it was too late. Not even her best friend would be able to save her now.

Right before she lost consciousness, she heard a crash and her name being called.

Then she was gone.


	2. Chapter 1

**Next chapter! Tell me what you thing in the comment!**

 **And again, it's short, I know, I'm sorry. It's also unedited and written in a hurry (yes, I know, I had days to write it, yet it was tonight I actually sat down and wrote most of it).**

 **DISCLAIMER: I do not own TheVampire Diaries nor any of the characters.**

* * *

CHAPTER 1

She woke with a gasp, sitting bolt upright. Her throat burned and the dimly lit room was still too bright as she opened her eyes, blinking to get adjusted. She felt disoriented and weak.

The next thing she noticed, or rather felt, was the table she was lying, now sat, on top of. It was hard and uncomfortable, and made her back hurt. She looked down at herself, noting the pure white dress that cascaded down her slim body. She hadn't been wearing this earlier, had she? Who the hell had thought to change her?

Then, she looked to her left and straight into blue eyes. Damon Salvatore. Her best friend. He was looking at her with a mix of shocked relief and concern. How long had she been out?

There were no one else in the room, but she could hear voices just in the other room, though she couldn't make out who was talking.

Bonnie blinked again and looked around. It was definitely in a hospital, but she didn't recognise the room at all. Monitors and tubes where all connected to her and the table she had previously thought she had been put on, was actually a hospital bed. When she looked back at Damon, he was still waiting for her to say something. When she did, the first thing that came to her mind just plopped out.

"What? Couldn't lay me on something more comfortable while I healed?" She asked dryly, waiting for his response.

She had expected him to laugh, maybe make a joke of his own. He didn't. Instead, he said in his most serious tone, "Bonnie, you didn't heal…you died." He paused, watching her as confusion and denial took over her expression. That had to be the worst joke he had ever told. "You're in transition."

Bonnie stilled. That couldn't be. No, she couldn't be dead. She couldn't be a _vampire_.

"What do you mean, _in transition_?" She didn't know what she was hoping he would say. Transitioning to a new hospital? New medication? Anything would be better than the words that came out of his mouth.

"Gee, Bonnie, I don't know, a snowman? A vampire, of course." Damon rolled his eyes, but she could tell this was affecting him almost as much as it was affecting her.

Her heart sank. Bonnie, a vampire. Somehow, it didn't sound right to her. The fact that she would be a vampire didn't sound _right_. Technically, she wasn't yet, she was in transition. She didn't have to turn.

There had once been a time when she wouldn't even have considered it. A time when the mere thought of being a vampire was the worst possible torture. Yet here she was, best friends with the very same vampire who made her doubt them in the first place. The one who had taught her that you could be a predator, but you didn't have to be a killer.

As her mind raced, her heart already knew the truth. She didn't want to die. She was still in college. She was still barely starting her life, despite everything she had been through. She had died before, but this time was different. The other side was gone and she would never be able to return the next time she died. She had her whole life ahead of herself. No, her heart already knew the truth. She would become a vampire. Immortal. She would never die.

Bonnie looked at Damon again watching as he watched her. He was begging, she realised, for her to turn, despite no words being uttered. His eyes said it all.

Then another thought entered her mind. An idea she once would have been sure of, but which was now possible. Yet… "I'll lose my magic."

"You don't know that. You might-"

"But I do, Damon. I'm a direct descendant of Qetsiyah and the most powerful witch of my lineage for centuries. I can't be both a vampire and a witch. Nature won't allow someone to become that powerful." She fell back against the bed, her mind again going a mile a minute. Now she had another factor she had to consider. Did she really want to sacrifice being a witch for being a vampire? Did she really want to lose her magic?

 _It's better than being dead_ , a little voice in her mind whispered.

"Bonnie…" Damon grabbed her hand between his, his thumb running over hers. "I know I can't force you to turn, but… You're my best friend, Bon Bon, and I need you to live. I can't lose you already. I can't."

Bonnie turned once again towards him and gave a small smile. Sacrifices had to be made in life, and in death. It was only natural she made hers. Not for Damon. Not for the rest of her friends and not for the world. No, this sacrifice she would make for herself. So she would live to see another birthday. Another summer. Another decade. Another _century_.

"You won't."

.*.*.*.*.*.

It was night when they got to the boarding house, after the doctors,with some encouragement from Damon, deemed her recovery miraculous and 'unnatural'. Of course, they were right about the last part. There was nothing natural about becoming a vampire. There was nothing natural about drinking blood.

"Bonnie!" As soon as the door opened, a blur of blonde hair crashed into her as Caroline threw herself into her arms. Bonnie almost laughed in delight as she returned the embrace from her childhood best friend.

"It's so good to see you, Care." Neither girl wanted to let go, but they couldn't stay like that forever.

"I thought I lost you!" Caroline hit her arm. Hard. "Never do that to me again!"

"Yes, next time, I'll tell them not to kill me because my friend would kill me if they did." Bonnie rolled her eyes, but secretly, her heart swelled.

"Not to break up this _heartmelting_ reunion, but I still want to get inside _my house_." Damon's voice was laced with annoyance and Bonnie realised she was standing in the doorway and blocking his path. She gave an amused smile before she stepped away from the door to let him through.

"I thought you were in Dallas." Bonnie noted as the three of them moved further into the house. She glanced over at Caroline, waiting for her reply.

"I was, and I have to go back soon, but my best friend almost died," she answered, settling down on the couch just as Bonnie sat down on the one across from her. "I came as soon as I heard."

"I'm sorry, Care."

"I'm just glad you're okay and I'm happy you decided to turn. I don't know how I would cope with losing another." A sad smile crossed Caroline's face as her mind wandered. She wasn't alone. Suddenly, Bonnie recalled an image of Elena, to whom she was linked. No… No, no, no, what had she done? If she never died, did that mean Elena would never live? How could she have forgotten about Elena when she made the decision to turn?

"Have you tried… You know." Caroline's voice brought her out of her inner thoughts as the blonde gestured with her hands. Bonnie knew what she meant.

"Yes, I did. I'm not a heretic." Bonnie sighed. She had known it even before she became a vampire, but when she tried to use her magic, she realised that there had still been hope inside her. Needless to say, it was crushed instantly.

"Bonnie, I'm-" A phone broke her off. A piercing sound that vibrated throughout the room and made Bonnie wince. Yes, it was something she had to get used to.

"Speak." Damon answered his phone, having just re-entered the room after having been wherever. Bonnie didn't really care.

As she listened in, unable to help it, the words uttered almost made her choke up with hope. It almost made her cry in happiness. It was words she would never have been ecstatic to hear before, but which now made her tingle in joy. And hope.

 _"What the hell happened to Bonnie, Damon?"_


	3. Chapter 2

**New chapter! Unedited.**

 **Also, I'm sorry for the last part of chapter one, I know it was rushed (I might edit it one day though).**

 **Anyway, please review and tell me what you thought of this chapter!**

 **DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Vampire Diaries nor any of the characters.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 2**

It had been a week since she died. A week since she turned. A week since her life changed forever. A week since she lost her magic. And a week since Tyler called and Elena returned.

Caroline had left not long after Elena returned, ecstatic to have both her best friends back, yet eager to see her new family. She'd promised to visit soon and made Damon promise to take care of Bonnie through her transition, to which he had scoffed and replied with an 'of course'.

Elena had been surprised, but extremely relieved, when Bonnie was still alive. Or, as alive as a vampire can be. She'd given Bonnie her old lapis lazuli ring as protection from the sun since their residence witch now was a vampire, and also the one in need of it. She'd been surprised and angry at how short a time she had been asleep, and how much that had changed. The heretics, Julian, Mystic Falls becoming a ghost town, Caroline having a new family, to which she was thrilled as well as surprised, and Bonnie becoming a vampire.

Damon had almost dropped his phone in his hurry to get to Elena, whom he had spent the most of every day since then with. He had told Caroline to watch over Bonnie and then he was gone faster than they could say goodbye. He had returned hours later with an exhausted and relieved Elena, who had hugged her two best friends tightly.

Bonnie had held her breath as she hugged the human Elena, afraid of the thirst every vampire complained about. It had gone surprisingly well, almost as though it was a miracle. Maybe she wouldn't have that intense thirst. Maybe she had been prepared enough for it.

Oh, how naive she had been. It had been a week. Of struggle. Of temptation. Of trying and failing to remain in control. Yet, nothing had been as bad as this day, when she found herself walking down the hallway of her dormitory at Withmore, her books in hand. She couldn't see or hear anyone, but that was okay. That was more than okay. It meant there was nothing to make her hunger flare up and her throat burn.

But she spoke too soon and suddenly a curse reached her ears before a sweet scent drifted through the air and found her nose. Dark veins popped up under her reddening eyes. She felt her fangs extend and poke her lower lip.

Her books crashed to the floor, her feet moving without her mind's permission. Instinct guided her, silencing her thoughts, enabling them to interfere. She didn't think, she didn't _want_ to.

She flew down the hallway. A left turn, then a right, then straight ahead until she came to a stop in front of a staircase. On the floor beneath it, was a girl. She'd slipped down the last few steps, most likely, and cut herself on something or other.

"Oh, thank God, could you he-" The girl looked up as she spoke, meeting Bonnie's eyes, taking in her vampire face. Her mouth shut, then opened, preparing to scream. Bonnie didn't give her the chance.

"Don't scream," She stared into the girl's eyes, though Bonnie had half a mind to wonder exactly _how_ she managed to compel her. But the girl shut her mouth again and Bonnie wasted no time as she lunged forward, sinking her teeth into the throbbing vein at her neck.

She almost moaned as the sweet liquid seeped into her mouth, the taste so much better than any animal or blood bag. So warm and sweet, straight from the vein. There was no one to stop her and no one to tell her what she was doing was wrong. Because it was. Yet, not even her mind wanted to force her to stop. It was just silent.

The girl in her arms was struggling, but her kicks and shoves became weaker as the blood left her body. It was then that something snapped her out of her drunken stupor and made her stop. A flash. A memory. Not her own, certainly, but what must be the girl's. A family, happy and together, in a small garden outside a small home. Kids running around, playing tag, as the parents laughed. It was such a perfect picture, something Bonnie herself had never experienced, but something which she had longed for all her life.

It made her break her trance and stumble back, trembling, hoping. Hoping she wasn't dead and she hadn't killed the girl. She was no more than her own age, she knew, but this girl would grow old, get a family, just like in that memory, and live a happy life. Bonnie couldn't, wouldn't, take that away from her.

The girl was still breathing, although it was weak. The puncture wounds in her neck sealed itself as Bonnie let her own blood flow into the girl's mouth, shaking all the way. Then she compelled her to forget.

.*.*.*.*.*.

Her mind was reeling as she drove to the boarding house where she knew Damon and Elena was. They would be able to help her for sure. At least she hoped. She couldn't remember even Caroline being this bad. Then again, Caroline had Stefan to teach her. Bonnie had Damon, and he had been preoccupied the last week, and Bonnie hadn't wanted to interrupt them. Elena had come back sooner than they had thought, maybe, but Damon had been miserable, or so he had proclaimed, in the months she had been asleep. Bonnie didn't want to ruin his happiness with having Elena back.

But sometimes, things were more important. What if she really lost control next time and killed someone? She couldn't take that chance. If they had to drug her with vervain and lock her up in the basement, so be it. She didn't care. As long as she wasn't a threat to anyone, she could cope.

Her hands gripped the steering wheel, threatening to break it with her newly gained strength. The fact that she almost drained someone of blood didn't exactly make her weaker either. She practically vibrated with power, every inch of her body on high alert, every little thing clear to her. Every smell, every sound... she could hear it all and she didn't know how _not_ to.

She drove to the boarding house faster than she had ever done before, thankfully not encountering any police. Not that any of them would be any problem. The once who didn't know, she could compel, and the ones she did know... well, Matt wouldn't exactly arrest her.

Her car-door flew open as she ran to the door, throwing that open too. Damon was downstairs in less than a second, standing at the bottom of the staircase in all his shirtless glory. He was raising an eyebrow at her, taking in her disheveled, bloody and panicking state.

"What happened?" The worst came out before she had the time to say anything. She rushed forward, throwing herself into his arms, needing the comfort of her best friend. He didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around her in return. "What happened, Bonnie?" His voice was more forceful.

She didn't shed a tear, she couldn't, but she heaved for breath, finally taking it all in over her. A minute longer and the girl would be dead. Because of her. "I almost killed someone, Damon. I almost drained her."

Damon didn't say anything, just led her to the couch and sat her down next to him. She straightened up, removing herself from his embrace, as he finally spoke, "But you didn't...right?" He sounded unsure.

Bonnie shook her head, having calmed down somewhat. Her head cleared. He was right, she hadn't. She'd managed to stop just in time. Maybe she was in better control than she realised. Maybe this whole running-off-to-Damon thing was just her overreacting. After all, she _had_ had heightened emotions ever since she became a vampire. It was normal. She felt like she was sixteen again, at the hight of her puberty, with her emotions running all over the place. It made her feel stupid, like some little girl who couldn't handle herself in the real world. And it made her angry. At herself.

"You're right. I do have control." She stood, shaking her head with an amused smile. She briefly wondered if the emotions were supposed to be so out f control. But she remembered how Caroline had managed to ruin a relationship because of it. It calmed her.

Damon nodded in agreement. "See? There's nothing to worry about, Bonnie. You'll be fine." He placed his hands on her shoulders as he stood too. "But just in case, maybe you should drink blood more often. Just in the beginning until you're one hundred percent sure you actually do have control."

She nodded in agreement. "But only animal blood from now on."

Damon wrinkled his nose, but didn't comment on it. He would know it would be useless. "Maybe you should stay here for a few days too. Elena and I could help you." Damon said as he stood too. He tilted his head to look at her, judging her reaction.

"You don't believe I have control, do you?" She couldn't help the annoyance that seeped into her voice at his words.

"Well, see, it's not that I don't believe you believe that, but..." He didn't finish, he didn't have to, Bonnie knew exactly what he meant.

"Some best friend you are, just propping me full of confidence, don't you?" She sent him a withering glare, which he didn't seem to be bothered by. Oh, he would one day.

"Yes, yes, okay, so are you staying?" He arched an eyebrow in question, completely ignoring the look she was giving him. Some day, he would regret his complete disregard for body language.

"With you two on your _honeymoon_? No _thanks_."

"It's not a honey-"

"That's not the point, Damon. I have super hearing now, remember? I'd rather not hear you two...enjoy yourself." Bonnie's nose wrinkled involuntarily. It wasn't something she wanted to hear. Or see for that matter. Or smell.

"We can play nice!" To give him credit, he looked almost offended by her accusation, but it was completely ruined by the amused _smirk_ that lit up his face moments later, before he added, "Kinda."

"Where is Elena, anyway?" Bonnie had almost forgot the brunette was supposed to be there.

"Sleeping." Damon shrugged. "Or," he added, "I wouldn't be surprised if she woke up at how loud you slammed that door. Seriously, you could have entered like a normal person?"

"It's the middle of the day!" She rolled her eyes.

"Yes, well, we didn't exactly do much _sleeping_ during the night."

"Gross," Bonnie wrinkled her nose and shook her head to get the image out of her head. Her two best friends doing it? She knew it happened, of course she did, but she'd rather not envision it.

"The _point_ is, we can help you gain control if you just stay here." Damon took her hand carefully in his, calming her by rubbing his thumbs over her palm in reassurance. It was such a comforting gesture that Bonnie found herself nodding in agreement.

"Okay," she said, "I'll stay. Until I get control."

.*.*.*.*.*.

Elena arrived downstairs soon after, surprised at finding both Bonnie and Damon there, relaxing with a glass of bourbon each. Alcohol helped with the thirst, Damon had insisted, so Bonnie tried it. Their laughter at something stopped as soon as Elena came into sight, the air at once turning serious. It was time to explain the predicament to Bonnie's friend and Damon's lover.

And so they did. Bonnie can't remember having been that terrified in a long time, waiting for Elena's reaction. She expected distrust and caution, that had been how Bonnie had reacted to Caroline all that time ago, but Elena surprised her. The brunette girl threw herself into Bonnie's arms, hugging the young vampire fiercely, promising to help her all they could and apologising for not being there for her sooner.

"Are you staying with us?" Elena questioned once they again had settled own on the couch, Damon and Elena on one and Bonnie across from them on another.

"For a while." And that had been it about the control-problem. They had finally moved on to a different conversation all together and Bonnie was glad. She didn't want to talk about it.

Elena had wanted to know everything that had happened while she was gone, however long it had been, and so Bonnie told her. About the heretics and Mystic Falls being abandoned. About college. About Caroline and her new family. About everything. It made her realise that in the course of a few months, her whole life had gone to shit.

They talked about everything and nothing at the same time as day turned to night, and night turned to early morning. It wasn't until the sun shone in through the window that they realised how long they had actually been sitting there.

Elena yawned. "Maybe we should all get some sleep." she stated.

Bonnie nodded and stood. "Yeah, that might be a good idea." She headed for the stairs, feeling the familiar burn in her throat. It was weird, the feeling so close to having had enough blood that it should have satisfied her for a long time. Yet, she found herself aching to sink her teeth into flesh and drain someone. She shook her head. No. Control, control. That was what she was here for. Sh could manage to wait till she woke up. She had to. "Good night."

.*.*.*.*.*.

It was late morning when Elena walked down the stairs, a yawn escaping her lips yet again. Her feet felt heavy as she put one before the other, heading to the kitchen where she could smell the most heavenly smell of pancakes. A smile found its way across her face as she stopped in doorway of the kitchen, spotting a shirtless Damon with his back to her. He was humming as he flipped those delicious, round cakes.

She walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face in his back, breathing in. He smelt nice. "Morning."

"Good morning," Damon replied as he turned, wrapping his arms around her waist and giving her a quick kiss. Not lingering, not deep, but a chaste morning kiss.

"Where's Bonnie?" she asked as she moved out of his grip, to his complaint, and settled at the kitchen island. She grabbed an apple as she waited, biting into it just as he replied.

"She went out hunting. Said she needed to 'keep in control' or something." Damon shrugged as he went back to the stove.

Elena froze. "She what?"

"Relax, she said she was fine. Besides, she had quite a bit to drink yesterday. I think she'll be fine." Elena could almost imagine him rolling his eyes at her.

"Damon," she said forcefully, glaring at him. "She _lost control_ yesterday. I don't call that being _fine._ And you let her go out hunting _alone?_ "

Sighing, he tuned towards her again. "Would you like me to go find her to prove to you that she's fine?" At Elena's insistent nod, he sighed again. "Fine. You finish up here, I'll go 'help' her." He was gone before she even had a chance to reply.

.*.*.*.*.*.

Her breathing came in short gasps, her eyes staring, wide open, at the blood on her trembling hands. Guilt and terror washed over her, drowning her, threatening to tear her apart. Her heart was beating like a three am thunderstorm. It felt like it would come right out of her chest at any moment.

In front of her, spread all across the forest ground, where bodies. Three of them. All young. All bloody. All dead. It looked like a werewolf had torn through them in a full moon stupor, unable to control their actions, only their wolf instincts to rely on.

But Bonnie was no werewolf and she had been conscious of her actions. She had just been unable to _stop_. She had been so _hungry_. Every thought had been focused on stopping the burning in her throat. But now, when her hunger had subsided, all that was left was remorse. Disbelief. Could she really have done something so terrible? And yet, there were no one else around. No one else to put the blame on. There was no doubt. No debate. She had killed them. Teenagers. She was a murderer.

Her eyes filled, the tears threatening to fall. She heaved for air, feeling like she was suffocating. She was shaking, every inch of her trembling, her legs threatening to give away under her. And then she fell to her knees, her hands grasping at the green grass, searching. For _something_. Anything.

In her haze, she hadn't heard him approach until he spoke. "Bonnie?" Unsure. Cautious. Even _he_ didn't know how to approach her. Even _he_ feared her now. Even _he_ knew she was a killer. Unredeemable. She held back a sob, her hands still running along the ground. "Bonnie." His voice became stronger as he took carful steps towards her.

"I did this." Her strong voice surprised even her. "I killed them, Damon." She didn't dare look up at him. She didn't want to see the look he would give her. She knew what he would say He would try to convince her that it was okay. That being a new vampire wasn't easy. That accidents happen. That he would _help_ her. He didn't.

"You're right, you did." There was no emotion in his voice. No pity, no disgust, no pride. Nothing. "You killed them. And I wasn't there to help you. To stop you. I'm sorry, Bonnie." At the last sentence, his voice softened and she could just imagine the guilt sweeping over his face. It didn't matter, it had happened and no words could turn back time.

Finally, her hands wrapped around the object she didn't know she was looking for until she held it in her hands. A piece of wood. A tool.

"I can't do this. I thought I could, but I'm not strong enough. I can't be a vampire. I can't laugh at death and be _okay_ with it. It's not _me_." Her hand closed around the branch in a firm grip, lifting it up. She held it firmly, yet her hands shook, positioning it over her chest where her heart would be.

"Bonnie, no!" Damon rushed forward in an attempt to stop her. He came to a halt in front of her faster than she could react, looking down as she looked up. Staring into each others eyes. She held the stake, he held the stake. "I won't let you do this, Bon Bon." He was strong, and she didn't protest, as he carefully lowered her hand and the branch, his eyes never leaving hers. He hadn't called her by her nickname since before her transition.

His gaze, so reassuring and holding the promise of a thousand suns, calmed her enough to ease her breathing and stop her trembling. "I'll help you. I'll always help you."

"You can't save me from this. No one can."

Her mind was racing, working a mile a minute. She wanted to die. To rid herself of this terrible guilt. All she wanted was to feel in control. Yet, there was one other option. Something that could help her. She had reached her breaking point and there comes a time when something shakes you so badly that the only way to cope with it, is to learn to not care about it all.

Damon watched slowly as the light left her eyes, the muscles around tensing as a smirk formed on her lips.

Nothing could ever scare him more than the look in her eyes that night.


	4. Important note

I'm moving this over to AO3, and rewriting from chapter 1. (the prologue will be the same). So please check it out!

It's called "No Angel" by UnderworldsQueen


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